sometimes even I feel like stories about friendship are ‘boring’ and quickly berate myself for internalised arophobia but honestly? I think I’m entitled to view them that way.  I think friendship is often portrayed in a totally different way to romance in fiction (duh) as if it’s not just a different type of relationship but an entirely different sort of concept. I think of stories about romance (as a genre, not specific ones) and I think about high tension and drama, beautiful metaphors, intended relatablility, fantasies indulged for the reader, massive impact on overall plot, character exploration to the max and an epic feel. amatonormativity and other inevitable harmful messages aside, they’re actually the kind of narratives I’m very interested in. 

Stories about friendship are either stories about romance in disguise, or, if I think about them in pure form, something reeking of fully saturated colour and cartoon people. Something for kids. They’re also, and I’m not sure how to put this in words so bear with me, not allowed the epic feel of romance. Friendship is not ‘fated’ (not that I’d want it to be. Read anything by @aro-soulmate-project to understand why), friendship does not last a lifetime, friendship is not why cities fall and new eras come about or why people sacrifice themselves or where the iconic scenes and poses and lines come from, apart from in pacific rim.

So I can’t escape to fiction about romance because it’s confusing at best and panic inducing at worst. But I also can’t escape to fiction about friendship because it’s not for me either. I can’t insert myself into the protagonist’s shoes while their newfound friend tells them how they’ve never felt Like This about a friend before, or while their old friend tells them nothing can come between their deep platonic love, or while their enemy risks it all to save them because their kindness struck a cord in the friendless enemy’s heart. I don’t get, even in fiction, to mourn my friends, make big gestures, hold them like we’re the only people alive, so what’s the point. 

I’m not saying I want replication of overdramatic/sometimes harmful romantic tropes copy pasted onto platonic relationships. We can leave behind the obsession, the too-fastness, the reliance on another person for your self worth, the heteronormativity and sexism, the tendency to tell rather than show, etc. etc. etc. But I do want to be able to relate to fiction, and part of that almost as much as aro rep means friendships that are allowed to be centered, realistic, celebrated, beautiful, worth fighting for, because that’s the kind of friendship I experience.